Melbourne Family Homes Set To Be Overrun By Bored Kids

MELBOURNE SEES PERFECT STORM FOR HOLIDAY-INDUCED MAYHEM
With just one week to go until school holidays, the Parent Sanity Department (PSD) has issued an official Holiday-Induced Mayhem (HIM) Alert. Warning families of the early symptoms of Holiday-Induced Mayhem.
“While no full-scale outbreaks have yet been confirmed, isolated cases are emerging across homes,” a PSD spokesperson stated. “We urge parents to take preventative measures immediately.”
Common HIM symptoms include:
Dramatic sighs and declarations of boredom before breakfast
Kids watching the kettle boil “for fun”
Mysterious furniture rearrangements (often ninja-course related)
Fridge doors opening every 8 minutes with cries about there being “nothing to eat”
An eerie, too-quiet silence (high alert)
High-risk suburbs include:
Preston, Reservoir, Coburg, Point Cook, Lalor, Brunswick, Sunshine West and anywhere with more than one child and a slow internet connection.
The PSD on stand-by
Although no known cases have been officially issued, PSD warns parents of a “perfect storm” with cold weather, “cabin-fever” on the rise and 2 weeks of schools being closed.